Evie is in awe of: living the High School Musical 3 dream
A new direction for Awe in Retrospect, feat Evie Gower
When I started this little project, I thought it was because I wanted to do more personal writing in my own space. But I quickly found that it became a chore that I kept putting off, and then I remembered how much I cringe at the writing I did as a teen and worried that an older version of myself will regret the sizeable digital footprint I’m leaving.
(I grimaced through a reread of my tween diary fairly recently and it made this girl’s bravery at sharing her own for all of TikTok to see all the more admirable)
Anyway. So, a pivot. My favourite part of the writing I’ve done and the best stories I read is — as cliche as it is — people. The experience of uncovering that, in everything from founding a company to going to Zumba on a weekend, people are at the centre of it all.
With that in mind, and in the interest of being slightly less self-indulgent, people will be at the centre of the next ~evolution~ of Awe In Retrospect.
It’s easier to show than tell, so the first of my new and improved issues stars one of my friends, Evie. She is a brilliant writer who recently cofounded Howl Magazine, a music mag for people much cooler than me, and in her day job actually changes small lives through teaching.
What is your favourite childhood memory?
For my fifth birthday, I had a party at the soft-play.
Notably, turning five happens in reception — your first proper year at school. Daunting enough, I’d say; even at four-going-on-five, you understand that making friends isn’t always easy. You’re not sure how other kids have a whole gaggle and you only have one or two.
What’s even more daunting is starting school in the first week of September when your birthday falls in the last week of that same month. That gives you all of three weeks to solidify these friendships enough for a party.
So, skip forward two weeks: my Mum is armed with ten or so invitations, signed by me, handing them out like flyers at the school gate.
It’s fine! It’s good. The party, by all accounts, I can’t remember — so it must have been okay. But what is most formative to me is not who came or what they brought wrapped in shiny paper with a bow on top, but the hours before the party.
We’re in the big bedroom waiting for my Dad and sister to come back from somewhere (buying a cake? Setting up the soft-play dining table?), to see the car pull up on the driveway and the cats to run after it. It’s me, dressed for the party already — pink sequin dress, hair static-y from the pillows, soft freshly-five-year-old skin pressed against the window — and, beside me, my Mum.
I think she’s asking me something along the lines of “how does it feel to be five?” and almost 18 years on, all I remember best of this is how much I like this. I don’t really need the party — although I assume I’m excited for it — I just like being me-and-mum, chatting away and sat in the cosy bed, that nice autumn sun creeping through the windows.
Tell me about a moment that you’ve had as an adult that made you think “wow, a younger Evie would think this was so cool”
The obvious one is my graduation. I guess as a child you don’t think about the steps it takes to get to the end result, you’re just going “oh when I’m older I’ll be…”
Honestly, my first learning of graduation as a whole cap and gown concept was after seeing High School Musical 3 at the cinema in 2008. So imagine my surprise when I discovered that it wasn’t just an American thing and I could also do it (sure, at the cost of £30,000, but who’s counting?)
I think it’s cool that I gave myself the grace to keep learning, even after how difficult I found it at times. To move away and truly be by myself, to keep pushing through some of the lowest points — and come out of it with a degree I’m truly proud of, still using today, and properly celebrated it!
Without that degree, I wouldn’t get the smaller moments that happen day-to-day now.
Like when the kids at school say my outfit is nice/my hair is nice/I’m a great teacher (basically anything that makes my heart swell) because it’s so nice to be appreciated for any effort put in. I am a good teacher because I love it, I dress up in what I like, I want to be nice because I enjoy it — but that being said, a moment of acknowledgement and kind words never go amiss.
I’m a big fan of ‘just because’ words and gifts and takeaway coffees, so it’s nice when other people are too!
What’s one thing in your life right now that you hope an older version of yourself will look back on fondly? What do you think it’ll mean to you in 10 years?
I think it’s the drive to my boyfriend’s house nearly every Friday. In 10 years time, I want to be in our own house with pets and books and art covering every wall, with a solid vinyl collection and a balcony. Regardless of where we end up living and whatever it looks like, I’ll look back on this mid-distance time of only weekend visits with joy that we put the effort in to progress so far and live together, rather than visit each other.
It’s sappy but my life is all-around love: love for my work, love for the people in my life, love for myself and my resilience and growth. I hope I get to look back on it fondly forever and ever, finding brilliance in every year of my life.
💓 Evie’s joys in the present: post-work coffee and debrief with her mum; buying cheap books on Vinted; actually drinking enough water; weekend baking; finding old photos of herself and wishing she still had those clothes in her size now; leopard print everything; scrabble date nights; a double G&T at the end of the week.
💓 Sadia’s joys in the present: The Big Green Bookshop’s “buy a stranger a book” Wednesdays on Twitter; Greek Lessons by Han Kang; €1.50 coffees in Perugia; supporting independent magazines like Bad Form Review; spending a day by yourself on holiday; making pancakes for breakfast when WFH; having a spare change Monzo pot titled ‘little treats’ for when you need a pick-me-up.
It’s super exciting to relaunch this (is it a relaunch if I did a handful of issues and then gave up? I’m claiming it) but this is always a work in progress so please get in touch with any thoughts/feedback/suggestions/people to speak to/just to say hello etc :)